k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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