I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
