She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
