Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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