i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
