I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
