dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
