And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
