life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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