shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
