i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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