So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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