So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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