If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
