opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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