Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
