I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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