Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
