I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
