ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
