I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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