This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
