I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
