the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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