I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
