I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
