over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.