I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick