Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion