If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito