can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not