I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
