A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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