Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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