she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We left the knife in your bed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
