this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
