so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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