Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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