my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
