Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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