she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
