remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
