The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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