If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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