Welp...herpes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
