ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
