He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
