Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
