I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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