Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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