u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
