Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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