In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
