I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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