Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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