Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
