If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
