Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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