i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
