another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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