No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My bed smells like the plague
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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