If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
