I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
