Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
