you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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