I wish I could teleport
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
