Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
