i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
