Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please, let me fuck your mom
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
