i think my tv is drunk
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
