Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
