You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My balls are so social today.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
