By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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