He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
