hell yes lets make some ravioli
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
